Mad World
by BrucasEqlsluv
Summary: ReWrite! "I take my clothes off for men, how could anyone love me?" She was stupid to believe his promises of love, because he left. Yet she swears she would still do anything to get him back. And she misses him, god she misses him. Darker/Sad Brucas.
1. Part 1: Love

Okay so I decided to re-write an old story I had written. I loved that old story and now can't decide if I like this one better or not but we shall see.

It's kind of a darker Brucas so sorry if it offends anyone. I also hope it's not too sad, I promise it does get happier!

It will be a 2 parter. Chap one being from Brooke's POV & Chap 2 being From Lucas's/Flashbacks.

If you guys like it I might even write a chap 3 as an epilogue.

Let me know what you think!

* * *

Mad World

Part 1

Love

You look in the mirror, watching as once vibrant chocolate locks spill down your back.

You look deep into the eyes that _he _once called stunning and wonder how long it had been since they had sparkled.

But you knew the answer to that.

They hadn't shone since _he_ walked away.

And now they were dark and scared

Just like you

A mere shadow of what you once were

But you couldn't ponder that

You have a job to do

You only hate yourself for a second

That's all your allowed before you go on stage

Anymore and you would break down there and then

_He _hated you enough for both of you anyway

You want to sob

You had spent the last six months missing him but tonight it was unbearable

"Your a stripper"

You hiss at yourself in the mirror

"You take your clothes off for men, no one will ever love you."

There is no explanation of why the sudden hatred tonight

Why suddenly you feel the need to make yourself feel worse than you had all week

But in essence the point wasn't that no one was ever going to love you

You didn't care if no one else ever showed you any love

You only care that he doesn't love you anymore.

Maybe he never did.

You wipe away the tear that threatened to fall

You take a breath

Composing yourself as you hear 'your name' called through the loud speakers

Hear your regulars cheer

"Black Betty!"

You hear them shout and smile slightly

None of them would ever know your real name

At least that was one thing left hidden

The words 'Brooke Davis' would never be uttered here.

You swing your hips to the music as you walk seductively towards your pole

You don't let your eyes falter from it

Refusing to look in the crowd

Yet your heart is desperate to search

To look for _Him _

Because ever since he left you, he had been here

Everynight

Watching.

It physically hurt you to see him

But at the same time you couldn't help but love seeing him

You couldn't believe he would enjoy watching this

It disgusted you, you could have sworn he was different.

He knows how much you despise this job

Then you have to remind yourself your worthless to him now

Nothing.

He probably has a new pretty girlfriend now.

A girl with a proper job and a normal life.

He would go home and hold her close

Tell her he loves her

Tell her they were going to escape together

Make all the same promises he did to you

The thought makes you sick

You wish there was some switch in your heart that would stop you from loving him so much

You wish there was someway you could stop everything from yearning for him

But there isn't

And after six months you still miss him as much as day one.

You blame yourself.

No wonder he left you

Your pathetic

You didn't treat him like he deserved

'He deserves better Brooke, be happy for him'

You tell yourself over and over

But it still hurts

So you can't stop yourself from looking up as you take off your skimpy outfit

He's in the crowd again

At his usual spot

Staring

Not at your body

At your eyes.

You wonder if he can see how broken you are

Your sure his beautiful blue eyes can see right to your soul

Even in this scenario they still have the same calming effect they had on you all those months ago

They make you remember when you used to lie in bed all day with him

He would hold you in his arms

Tell you stories about the day you would get married

The day he would take you away from this all

You'd both go back to his home town, Tree Hill.

You'd raise kids together

He held you and promised little ones

His hair and your eyes

Your dimples and his brooding expression

The children you still dreamed about

He told you he loved you

That you remember

He told you he had never loved anything or anyone as much as you

He told you he never wanted anything else but to have you forever

Lies

All of them.

You also remember his eyes when he tuned and walked away.

You remember the look when he stopped caring.

The same expression he wore now as you swung around the poll

Men jeering and running their hands across

There was no anger in his eyes

No sadness

He simply didn't care what anyone did to you anymore.

'Why bother watching?'

You want to scream at him

'Why bother torturing me? Do you hate me that much?'

He had seen you naked a million times before

Run his lips across your body

What satisfaction could he possibly take from seeing you like this?

Then your heart stopped

As sudden realisation enveloped you  
Maybe he wasn't there for you at all

Maybe he was searching for his next girl

You thank your lucky stars the song has change and a new dancer is being called onto stage

You peel your eyes from him and try your best not to run too fast off stage

Yet you can't help it.

You run straight for the bathroom and empty the contents of your stomach

Not that there was much in there in the first place.

You gather your things

Collect your money

The bouncer offers to walk you to your car but you turn him down

At this point you don't give a shit what happens between here and the car

You walk out the back door and it's only moments before you breakdown against the wall

You usually wait until you get home to cry but tonight it was too much

The thought he was inside that building scouring for your replacement hurt like hell

The thought he came he to torture you only to go home to his new, loved girlfriend hurt even more.

You grab your heart as you sob.

Pray that something will stop the pain.

Anything.

You had never been one of those girls who needed a boy to be happy

It was his fault for barging into your life.

Making you love him.

Making you believe that there was hope for your life.

You hated him for leaving

You loved him so much for the time he gave you.

You stop crying now

He never would have loved a pathetic woman who sat on the street

In a barely-there costume and a trench coat

and cried.

So you attempt to get up

But you forget your still wearing your five inch heels

Your ankle twists and you plummet to the ground

Banging your knee

"Fuck."

You cry out in bitterness

"Like this day can get any worse."

Your sick of feeling sorry for yourself

Now your just angry at the world.

You can't remember the last time you were happy.

Oh wait,

Yes you can,

It was the the last time you were with him.

Fuck, you miss him so much.

"He's gone Brooke, deal with it."

You hiss

Once again trying to get up

But it's impossible

The pain is too much

There is no way you will be dancing tomorrow

Your knee has already swollen to twice it's size

You lean against your good one

Waiting for the pain to subside

Waiting to be able to stand up and escape all of this

So you just sit there

In the dark

Outside one of the sleaziest nightclubs in town

And just when your wishing you had never been born

A figure sands above you

You cower

You doubt whoever is standing next to you is there for your good

Then you look up

And in a moment of pure disbelief you see he is standing over you.

He holds his hand out

"Lucas?"

You whisper

You cannot believe what your seeing

He doesn't speak

He just holds his hand steady

Ready for you to take it

You don't hesitate

You reach up  
The second your skin touches, the world suddenly doesn't feel so bad afterall

And you know it changes nothing

You know he still hates you

But even for a second, being close to him is all you need.

He helps you up

Holds you steady with a hand around your waist

The hand isn't loving or caressing like it used to be

It is now nothing more than a crutch

But there is nothing you love more than the feeling of his skin against your own

"Thankyou"

You whisper

But he once again ignores you

You would do anything to hear his voice

'Please just say something!'

You silently beg but he does nothing but support you

As you limp through the parking lot towards your car

"Can you drive?"

His voice comes out stern and cold

Unrecognisable as the man who used to whisper sweet nothings in your ear

Make you laugh until you couldn't breath.

You consider his question, realising it's your right knee that is injured

"I don't think so."

You state, trying your best to stop your voice from shaking

"I'll just take the bus"

And as much as you love being near him

You need to get away

The pure hatred radiating off him is making you feel more worthless than before.

So you go to move from his grasp

But he holds you tight.

Turning instead to walk towards the white Range Rover you recognise as his.

He opens the door for you.

Makes sure you a safely tucked inside.

Then he gets in his side and starts driving

Without a word.

You sob silently in your seat

Trying to keep him from seeing the tears.

Every so often his eyes slide to you

And you swear you can see a look of disgust.

As you arrive at your dingy apartment

You prepare to turn away from him

Yet in an instant he is by your side

No longer helping you up but this time, carrying you.

He carries you all the way up the stairs and to your bed

You strip off your shoes and huddle against the headboard

Clutching your Knees to your body

Ignoring the pain as you watch him standing above you

Only a few steps away

He watches you

And finally you man up some courage to talk

"I won't be a very good fuck tonight but it's all I can offer for the lift."

You talk to him like you would any other guy in that situation

Afterall, he was now like every other guy

They were all disgusted by you

Yet it didn't stop them wanting to fuck you.

And no matter how much it would hurt

Being with him again

One more time

Would be amazing

No matter what the circumstance

He stares at you, complete shock plastered on his face.

Studying you in the way he used to when he would watch you sleep

Well, he thought you were asleep anyway.

"Uh"

For once he was the one who sounded vulnerable

"No."

He shook his head as if he was trying to rid his head of thoughts

Turning on his heel he disappeared out of your bedroom

A moment later you hear your door slam

And suddenly the tears are back.

You turn off your light and lay in the darkness.

You don't know if its a minute or an hour but eventually

Your over tired body gives up and you fall into a restless sleep.

* * *

You wake not long after, your sure it hasn't been long.

A soft palm cupping your cheek as slender fingers ran lovingly across your face.

It has to be a dream

You tell yourself

But then you realise it isn't because you can still feel the pain shooting through your leg

He thinks your asleep

And you go on letting him believe that because the gentle, almost loving touches feel so good

Then he speaks your name

"Brooke."

Softly, in that old voice of his

And you know you can't pretend any longer

Your eyes flutter and open

His hand instantly withdraws itself

He steps back

Almost scared of your reaction

"What are you doing here?"

You ask

Not angrily

Not happily

Rather, without emotion.

He switches on the lamp next to your bed

It showers the room in a dim light

You can see him better now

His eyes look gaunt

And almost...

Concerned?

But you shake that off

And once again remember he doesn't care.

"You need this"

He holds out a bag of ice and what appear to be medical supplies

"For your knee."

I nod, almost in awe

He sits down on the bed

Lower down, near my knee

He moves aside the trench coat

Furrows his brow when he sees the swelling and scratches

He cleans them thoroughly with a cloth, sterilised water and antiseptic

You barely notice the pain

Watching him as he works

He places the ice against the knee

You let out a hiss

He looks up at you for a moment before going back to the knee

He bandages and then once again places the ice on it.

The pain had subsided now.

He breaths out

Slowly running his hand down your leg

You close your eyes

Opening them again as he gets up and leaves the room

You bite your lip

Your not going to cry again

He returns

This time with water

He hands it to you

Along with two pills

"Take these"

He says gruffly

You don't argue.

He moves back towards the door.

Your sure he is going to leave for good now.

But he hesitates.

"Don't be stupid Brooke!"

He says gruffly

Your caught off guard

"Be more careful, have the bouncer walk you to the door."

He's speaking low but demanding.

"It's none of your fucking business."

You spit back, because it's not

If he's not going to be the one to walk you to your car then he can go fuck himself if he thinks your going to get anyone else to do it.

He looks almost shocked by your answer before he starts talking again

"Of course it's my fucking business! What if some drunk approached you huh? What if he got carried away? What if he hurt you or rape-"

He didn't finish his sentence, his eyes dropping to the floor.

"Who cares?"

You whisper bitterly

"What?"

"WHO THE FUCK CARES! I sure as hell don't anymore and we both know you don't either!"

"I-I-"

He goes quiet

Then suddenly your angry

You had been angry for a long time

Now it was finally building up

Ready to crash down upon you

And him.

"FUCK YOU!"

You scream, but he doesn't even flinch

"Fuck you!"

You yell again so he knows exactly how angry you are

"You are not allowed to come here after MONTHS of nothing and act like you give a shit!"

He looks up at you and you swear you can see a tear in his eye.

"We both know the truth Lucas"

You spit

"We both know you hate me! So you don't get to be the hero!"

His brows furrow as he steps forward but you don't let him talk yet.

Your too angry for that.

"You come to the club and watch men run their hands along my body! You watch me do the job I despise, you don't even talk to me and you think you have some right to tell ME to be careful!"

You pant from anger, all the devastation and anger from months without him, finally coming out.

You weren't going to wallow anymore

You were going to be the feisty Brooke Davis he had once sworn he loved.

"So what if I had been HURT OR RAPED? SO WHAT! You gave up the right to care when YOU LEFT! YOU LEFT!"

God you were angry.

"Did you save me to fuck me Luke? Is that what you want?"

You open your trench coat to reveal your barely there dancing costume

"Go ahead! You don't even have to pretend to love me Luke, just dive right in!"

He flinched but didn't move.

"Just remember YOU are the one that left and YOU are the reason I don't give a shit about being careful anymore."

Your finished now and you just stare at him as he averts his gaze, anywhere around the room but you.

"Just because I left doesn't mean I don't care."

He whispered but you ignore him.

"I think it's your cue to walk out the door Lucas, your pretty good at that."

You didn't want him to leave but you could still see that look in his eyes

That disgust and you couldn't stand it anymore.

He almost goes to leave, for what seems like the thousandth time that night.

And once again he stops.

"I can't"

He says

This time, shocking you.

"I can't leave you again. Not like this."

You snigger bitterly.

"The guilt can't be getting to you now after months. It's too late Luke."

"It's not just guilt."

He pauses, running a hand through his golden locks

"I've hated myself everyday since I left, I-I- I can't stand going home and your not there."

You had wanted him to say these words for forever

But you didn't trust them

You didn't trust him

He had broken your heart and in turn caused it to harden.

"I come and see you at the club because I miss you. So much."

"Bullshit."

He moves closer, looking you in the eye

"It's true, I love you Brooke Davis. I never stopped."

I swore I wouldn't cry again but I couldn't stop the tears slipping down my cheek.

"Then why did you leave!"

"You yelled some awful things that night Brooke."

"So did you but I didn't give up on us because of it!"

"You told me you hated me. You said you didn't want me in your life."

I wiped away a tear, looking down in shame.

"You threatened to leave."

"I know, it was stupid."

"You said you would love me no matter what and then you threatened to leave."

"I'm stupid Brooke. But I do love you."

"I-I can't believe you."

He closed his eyes in pain

"I hate myself for hurting you Pretty Girl."

"Yet your still disgusted by me."

"What?"

"I see, I see the way you look at me Lucas, you can barely stand the sight of me."

He shook his head vigourously.

"You think that's it? I look at you and feel nothing but disgust at myself for leaving you."

He paused

"Here in this apartment alone, dancing everynight in front of repulsive men. I left you to that, how can I ever forgive myself?"

He breathed out.

"I only come to watch you because I miss you so much."

He sat down on the edge of the bed

"I always stay to make sure you get to the car okay."

You didn't look at him, you couldn't

Your body was fighting every urge to throw myself at him

Yet your mind wouldn't let you.

"You should leave."

You whisper

You almost can't believe what your saying.

"I miss you so much Lucas but I can't forgive you. I was ready to spend my life with you and you left."

He nodded, a tear slipping down his cheek.

You had never seen him cry before.

"I understand."

He gets up walking towards you.

He covers you over with the trench coat then the blanket.

He is so close as he looks deep into your eyes.

"If you EVER need anything call me. Don't hesitate, not even for a moment."

You nod

"I mean it. I know I fucked up. I know you hate me. I never meant to leave forever. I thought-I thought."

He sighed

"I thought you didn't want me anymore."

He wipes a tear off your face

"But your the love of my life Brooke Davis. Don't ever doubt it."

And right then you knew you could be stubborn

You knew you could let him leave

Then you knew you would be miserable.

Maybe, possibly.

You could learn to trust him again.

Maybe.

Because at the end of the day you love him

Too much

So you reach forward

Ever so slowly

And you let your lips meet his

A kiss that made your heart melt for him all over again.

He kisses you back before pulling away.

Kissing your cheek

Your hair

Your forehead

Your Nose

Before moving back to your lips.

"I do love you Lucas."

You whisper

And he smiles

"But I don't know If I can trust you."

He nods

"I know. But I swear, I will spend every moment making up for the last six months."

He runs a hand through your hair

Yet you shake him off

"I don't see how you can love me."

You tell him, timidly.

"I'm a stripper Lucas, what the hell do I offer you?"

He shook his head in disbelief

"You are strong and beautiful and brilliant. You are amazing in so many ways. The fact that you can't see that is crazy Brooke. And I know it's my fault you now doubt how fantastic you are."

Climbing over the top of you so he is lying down

He brings you against his chest

"Marry me?"

He asks

Your heart jumps

"What?"

"Marry me Brooke, be my wife. Quit your job now. Were leaving for Tree Hill tomorrow."

You shake your head

"I can't afford Lu-"

"Don't give me that bullshit, I've saved up some cash. Were leaving."

You close your eyes and will yourself to believe his words.

"But only if you want to."

You nod.

"Don't make promises you can't keep. If I wake up and your gone. My heart can't take it again."

"I'll be here, I swear, even if that doesn't mean anything at the moment. You will learn to trust me again Pretty Girl."

You nuzzle closer to him, taking in his scent.

"So, will you marry me?"

"Take me a way from this all Broody. Keep your promise."

"I will."

"And when you have, I will marry you. I love you."

"I love you too Brooke Davis."

And with that you drift off into a peaceful sleep.

You have no idea what tomorrow will bring but your hope against everything that he will be there.

* * *

Not sure if the end was too corny? Anyway, review please! ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Hey Guys!

Sorry, I know you all hate AN's so I'll make this quick.

I feel because I have so many stories I haven't been able to update as quickly as I would have liked SOOO, I have decided to focus solely on 3 fics.

ALL stories will be finished eventually but first I need to focus on finishing 3 (Then you guys will get more regular updates ;)

Anyway. I'm letting YOU pick which THREE.

If you can head over to my account page (BrucasEqlsLuv) and vote on (up to) 3 fics which are your favourite and you would like to see updated/finished first. Then I'll check back on the tally and whichever three are ahead, I will make my main priory.

Thanks! And thanks for reading my stories, you guys are awesome =D

P.s. Sorry for anyone who got flooded with updates!


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